Disintegrating

(Scott Garbe)

Disintegrating
In glazed eyes and red stains
I’m thinking this has to be
The biggest case of “I told you so”

I know I’m being petty
But when Nellie turned and said,
“Can’t say Dallas doesn’t love you…”
I almost laughed
before you put your hand on my knee

To stop me,
Please stop me
Like I couldn’t stop you
From disintegrating

The young women you waved to
For that moment I hated you
I imagined you dead
and that I was finally free

And that’s when it happened
Did I will it to happen?
Was all I was thinking as I
Held your head in my hands

This is a tight sleeve,
The fucking engines of this plane
are shrill
My lips are bloodless

Please, stop me
Please, stop me
Like I couldn’t stop you
From disintegrating

The face of that young aid
Glancing back over LBJ’s shoulder
Did I overhear him say,
“Hey, I’ve got a sure-fire way
to win a second term.
Put a hit out on his wife
The sympathy vote would be a landslide”?
You weren’t really thinking that,
were you? Did you?

Were they killing you?
Or were they just missing me?
And if you were in my place
Would you be…
Disintegrating?